Since starting my new job my body has gone through a complete shock transition. I have been feeling giddy, panicky, unconfident, hugely tired and generally weird. I knew it was because of this high pressure job I’d taken on and it was playing havoc with my stress levels. I had been used to a gentle awakening each day with a quiet meditation and a slow breakfast with the family. Now, I set the alarm for six but am usually awake by half five in case it doesn’t go off – yes that’s before the sun come up some days. I hurtle round like a speeded up film grabbing clothes, shoving an iron over something, wolfing down some breakfast, choking on a handful of vitamins and jumping in the car, still tucking my shirt into my trousers as I’m belting down the country roads towards the mouth of the race track called the M27. I had been feeling so exhausted that I was wondering just how long I could keep up the job at this rate.
And then last week, I had a hot feeling all over me. It stopped me in my tracks and I realised that I was touching the start of the menopause. OMG, I never though it would happen to me. I can hardly type the word without sinking my head in shame. It wasn’t the job but this has coincided with a high pressure job and I’m struggling to keep it together.
I really understand why they call it ‘the change’ because I can feel my body changing rapidly. It’s so fundamental I can feel the metamorphism happening so deep that I can’t actually reach it. I’m one of those who can generally sense what’s out of sync and then fix it. But this time I’m powerless and it’s leaving me feeling out of control; that’s more scary than the symptoms.
Fingers crossed and I can hold on and manage both the change and the job.
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